MELISSA HARTZ
News Editor
The red numbers on the clock beside the bed blink 4:09 a.m.
After a night hanging out with my closest pals, I lay on my side on my best friend Eric’s bed, propping my head up on my elbow. He sits on the floor beside the creaky twin extra-long bed, head resting against my leg, eyes half-lidded. The Killers play softly from his laptop, the music accompanying his sleeping roommate’s rhythmic breathing.
“I love The Killers,” he says to no one in particular.
Eric is what I affectionately refer to as my “first friend.” Nearly three years ago, we met at college orientation, and have been pretty much inseparable ever since. We’ve met great friends through one another, consoled each other through rocky breakups, and cried on each other’s shoulders through tough times. It’s weird to think that we have less than a year and a half left before graduation and the real world force us apart. I shift my position slightly, and the iron bed frame squeaks loudly in protest.
“I think I’m going to join the Army,” Eric says, looking up at the ceiling.
I sigh. It’s not news to me; he’s been mentioning the Army off and on for the past three years. That hasn’t made it any easier to swallow, though. I twirl a lock of his straw-colored hair around my finger.
“But what am I gonna do without my first friend?” I ask. He tilts his head back and looks up at me. A smile dances on the corners of his lips.
“I’ll be okay, I’ll send you letters!” he says. “Besides, it might help pay off my tuition. I’ve got loans, you know? And if I can’t find a teaching job when I get out of school, my dad has to pay.”
I nod understandingly, but still my stomach churns at the thought of my best friend in uniform, flying off to the other side of the world for god knows how long.
Luke Yepsen grew up in the house around the corner from mine. Only a couple years older than me, with red hair and icy blue eyes, I remember swimming in our neighbor’s pool with him and his brother, or painting the cinderblock in their basement. After a few years, Luke and his family moved to Singapore before finally settling in Texas. I didn’t hear from them for a long time.
Through Christmas cards, we learned that Luke had joined the Marines. His mother informed us that he had recently returned from boot camp, where he shed nearly 20 pounds. In a note that followed just a few months afterward, we were informed that Luke was being shipped to Iraq.
“Luke died today,” my mom told me a few months later. “Their Jeep hit a roadside bomb.” Though I hadn’t spoken to Luke in years, I remember the news hit me like a truck. I sat in front of my computer that night, looking through Luke’s MySpace page, the “countdown ‘til I come home” bringing a fresh wave of stinging tears. He had a fiancée. They were supposed to start their life together when he came home. He was 20 years old when he died. Kids my age aren’t supposed to die.
For a long time I had trouble sleeping, plagued by dreams of young soldiers’ mangled faces and crying wives. In my dreams the Marines get younger and younger until they’re little boys in digital-camouflage uniforms, helmets dipping over their eyes. For weeks all I can think of is Luke’s poor fiancée and how it feels for your future to end before it even began. I think about her hugging him at the airport next to piles of olive green canvas bags, feeling his chest against her cheek, breathing in his scent for the last time. I had never met her, and yet, how badly I wanted to draw her into my arms and cry with her and tell her how sorry I was.
I look down at Eric and think about having to hug him goodbye at the airport, wondering if the last I’ll see of him is his back as he boards a plane to the Middle East. When he looks up at me I notice that he has the same watery-blue eyes as Luke, and it sends a chill up my spine. He must see the worry on my face, because a smile creeps across his face again. He puts his hand on mine.
“I feel like it’s something I have to do,” he tells me. “I don’t want to die an old man having never done anything important, you know?” He looks up at me again, his brow furrowing slightly.
“I’ll be okay.”
A weak smile spreads across my lips. I remember reading in a newspaper article that Luke’s mother said that Luke died doing what he felt was right. Maybe this is what Eric feels is right. Maybe it’s a calling - and you don’t step between a man and his calling.
We chat for a little while longer before I pull on my coat and gather my things. Eric walks me to the door, our footsteps cutting through the silence and dark like knives. He smiles and pulls me into a hug.
“You’re a good friend, Melissa,” he tells me. I hug him tightly, breathing in the smell of man and musk and cologne.
“You’re not too bad yourself there, pal,” I reply with a smile.
We part ways, and I head up the many stairs to my room. As I tilt my head down and trudge up the stairs, my mind races. I think about Luke, and Eric.
I suppose all I can do is trust. That’s what first friends do, after all.


