There is only one phrase to fittingly describe the highly anticipated “Last House on the Left,” and that is cruel and unusual punishment. I was really looking forward to seeing this movie because of all the advertising and media coverage it had gotten. I even anticipated the film to be sold out on opening night. After buying my tickets in advance, I discovered this strategy was in vain, as the movie was neither sold out nor close to becoming sold out.

My preconceived notions were misguided by Moviefone.com. The site claims that Wes Craven is the master of horror films and with him on board as producer the film, “Last House on the Left” was sure to be a hit. Moviefone.com also advertised that Wes Craven teamed up with Sean Cunningham to remake the movie because it was the original “Last House” that launched their successful directing careers. This heavy statement, however, does not hold up to the quality of the film. In fact, this remake was so poorly crafted that it could lead to the end of their careers. Claudia Puig of USA Today couldn’t have termed the movie any better when she referred to it as “torture porn.” And that is exactly what it was.

The movie starts off with an unnecessarily gruesome scene and it all goes downhill from there. We then turn to the arrival of the main character, Mari, and her family to their summer lake house. How cliche and terribly familiar.

We quickly learn that her older brother recently passed away and, as a result, her parents have been keeping her sheltered and under close watch ever since. Mari and her friend are soon in the hands of an escaped prisoner and his “crew,” leading to scenes of their rape and torture. The rape scene is ridiculously drawn out and unnecessary, leaving you cringing at the screen. I was about to walk out of the theatre during this scene. The prisoners leave the girl for dead and seek shelter.

The only problem here is Mari is not dead and they just sought shelter in her house with her parents. After she crawls home and her dad, who happens to be a doctor, mends her wounds, her parents learn what has happened. They immediately want revenge.

This is where another problem with the movie shows up. It becomes too unrealistic, as I don’t believe that a well-educated, stable-minded human being is going to be able to perform some of the torture that follows. And although it follows the gruesome treatment of their daughter, the torture that follows seems out of place, melodramatic and a far cry from realistic. In fact, they put their family and their daughter at further risk by keeping the psycho criminals in the summer home, all the while performing horrible acts of torture on them. My first priority would be making sure my daughter was going to live and making sure I would be there to care for her, not attacking some severely demented people.

The only good thing that happened besides the final ending is that you do finally get to see the tables turn. It’s not the typical murder and arrest film. Instead, you actually get to see the murderer become the victim and that was a great element. It gives the viewer a surprise and a sense of unknowing that you don’t usually get from other cookie-cutter horror films.

My recommendation is that, if you don’t like extremely unnecessary gruesome movies, do your stomach a favor and pass on this movie.

My Review:
2 Stars (based on a 5 Star scale)

PETER LUTCHKO
Staff Writer